E1| nEIL aGIUS; How to Build Confidence, Why Motivation Never Lasts & The Power of Fear Setting
About the episode:
In this episode, Neil delves into how he built structures in his life and mind to support the life he always dreamed of living. We discuss how you can build confidence from small but consistent steps, how motivation is a vague metric to rely on, the power of community, and how to focus on the self-work to build your own toolkit to set the right pace in your own life.
Listen to the full episode :
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Show Notes:
Maria: Hi, and welcome to the very first episode of my new podcast called Setting the Pace. I'm Maria, and I'm so excited to be here. So this podcast came about because I've got an insane curiosity of how our minds work, and I really want to understand the best ways to set the pace in my own life and learn from those around me. And I have chosen to do that by interviewing athletes and sports people alike to try and understand how they view sports to propel them forward and also just set the right pace in their own life, be it in business, relationships, friendships, and everything in between. For me, sports has always been such a great playground playground, and I've learned some of the best lessons and how the streets, and so this was a really natural starting point, for me and this podcast.
Maria: So none of this is going to be perfect and maybe that's the point, but I hope that through these conversations I get 1% better and I think that's worth a shot, and hopefully, it's worth a shot for you too. So for my very first episode, I am so lucky and honored to be sitting across someone that I call a friend, a mentor, and a true inspiration, no other than Neil Agius. Hey, Neil. What's up? Welcome.
Neil: Hi. How are you? I'm good. How are you feeling?
Maria: I'm slightly nervous because it's something I've been dreaming about for a while.
Maria: We've spoken about it for so long. So I just need to, like, settle in, set the pace. But, yes, I'm so happy you're here, and thank you so so much. Yeah. I'm, really excited to be your first guest on this podcast and really get into a really interesting conversation and see where it goes.
Maria: Yeah, let's do it. Okay, let's jump right in. For those of you who don't know Neil, he is the world record holder for the nonstop current neutral assisted ocean swim, covering a total of 125 0.7 kilometers from Lunosa to Goddo.
Maria: That's quite a mouthful, and you can only imagine that the swim was 10 times that, which is just crazy to even think about. And Neil is also an Olympian. He's also a swimming coach. He's also doing a lot of mindset work and, yeah, can you just briefly introduce yourself and just who is Neil?
Neil: So Neil really and truly is just Neil.
He's a very simple guy, super relaxed, super calm. Wasn't always like this, definitely, but have learned to become, like, really super chill. And I really find so many things that really excite me, from going to music, from learning how to play instruments to mindset. The mind is, like, such a big part of our everyday life and learning how to understand it. I have this really beautiful relationship with it, and it keeps giving me more and more to be able to do what I'm doing today.
Maria: Yeah. That's so cool. So you mentioned that, kind of it wasn't always like this, but it's something that you continue to invest in and kind of get into new frontiers of your own mind and the way you think and whatever. So if I had to ask you, 25 year old Neil, this Neil today, what do you think has been the biggest shift? And did you, like, almost have to shed an identity from back when, let's say, you're had stopped swimming professionally, started working, and then kind of shedding that identity and then eventually building yourself up to say, okay, I'm gonna swim around Malta, I'm gonna swim around Gozo, and then eventually all of the swims that came after that.
Neil: So \25 year old Neil actually thought his life was set. He had a job that he loved. He runs his own swimming school. He teaches kids how to swim.
He's actually really good at it. That is what I thought was my role in life, to to be a swimming instructor. I love being able to teach children the craft of swimming. It starts as a life saving, tool, not even a sport, and then develops into a sport. So, that's what I thought I was gonna do forever.
And then one day I thought it was cool to swim around my own country, which is Malta, and everything changed from there. And 25 year old Neil didn't feel like he needed to do any self development work, didn't even really know what it was. It felt set, like this is who I am, take me or leave me. Yeah. Exactly.
This is exactly how it felt. Like, this is I have everything that I that I need. I have, everything that I want, and if I and I can get everything that I want. So I was really kind of content with what I was doing until I put myself out of this comfort zone and decided to swim around Malta. And then it kind of opened up into a whole new world of endless development, endless learning, endless knowledge out there for us to be able to receive.
Maria: Okay. And when you did that first swim around Malta, what was your what were, like, your thoughts like? Because obviously now, when you do a swim, I think you can very quickly come to a neutral state. And anything that comes up, you can work through it. But back then, like you're saying, you were just at the beginning of starting to work on yourself and kind of figure out how to best use your brain and mind for these swims.
So what was that like?
Yeah, it was intense. I went into it completely blind, so I didn't really understand what an ultra-distance event entails.
I prepared myself physically, but Did you take your goggles with you? Because I heard that you you forget them. I've I I I was exact very, very, very messy with with my things. I was very forgetful with certain things. I just swam, trained, trained quite hard for it, I think.
I thought, let's put it that way actually. I thought. Physically, not mentally. Physically, nothing. 0.
Nothing. 0. Because probably from when you were swimming. Never meditated, never sat in silence, never read anything, never read about an ultra distance event of what it could even entail.
Maria: And I think back then as well, it wasn't a topic of conversation because I used to swim as well, as you know.
And back when we used to train, like, we we were taught visualization and think and how your race is gonna go, but it wasn't really a topic. Whereas I think nowadays, if you tell someone, hey, I meditate, I journal, I do this, it's more accepted. So maybe back then that also played part in it. Even visualization, it was very surface level to what we know the visualization to be today. Mhmm.
And also it was never, okay, I want to become a world record holder, so this is what I want to do. This is what I want to do for the rest of my life, for the foreseeable future. Yeah. So it kind of just grew into it. Like it just one swim opened it up and then the next one and then it ends.
There's never a plan to do more and more and more. It's what comes to me and what I feel I should do and what I feel I have to do. And then once the message is given to me, I can push it away and push it away. It just keeps coming back and keeps coming back. Yeah.
Maria: Okay. So it's really just being quiet enough to listen to what is some something someone or somewhere deep inside is trying to tell you. Exactly. Okay. And, I know that, I know you well.
I also know your fiance, Lara, very well, and I know that she is such a good energy and such a good, source of getting in touch with that intuition. So I know that that's been a real help with your, work, on your the way you think and mindfulness and whatever. So, kind of how has that played such a heavy role? And if anyone listening to this maybe doesn't have that support system that's, like, you know, let's let's do these challenges, these swims, or even just hey. Let's go for a walk together, whatever.
Like, what would be your advice or a way to kind of think about it? Yeah. So having a support system in general in life is, I think, really way more important than than one can imagine.
Neil: So the way I see it is like, a building and there are the beams to support me to be able to climb up to the top of this building to stand on it. Mhmm.
And without the support of these beams, there is no me standing on the top because it's too wobbly and I'm gonna fall off. Lara's the main support beam of of this journey. Every time I prepare or want to swim again, so I like I was saying, I received a message, okay, I'm gonna do it. Mhmm. I speak to Lara about it and see if we are going to do it because I cannot do it alone.
She's a big part of of of it. I might be doing the swimming up and down, but she's doing a lot of things that are nobody is seeing around me. And as for me to keep climbing up this ladder to go to the next level, I need more support beams. So there's the team, there's the people who are helping me organize the logistics of it. So Gordon is a huge part of this team, of my beams, of my support system, Peter as well as so each time the support grows for me to be able to climb up higher.
And it's you don't only need to so who doesn't feel like they have a support system or doesn't have partner to have the support system, you don't need to look for the support system within a partner, within a boyfriend or a girlfriend, you can find this within your friends and within a community. So who are you surrounding yourselves by? Who are you surrounding yourself around? This is people like minded people, people that do like things that you like to do, not people who are going to judge you for the steps you are taking. So I'll throw an example of you I just heard you opening for this podcast that is you putting yourself out there.
And if you around your friends, around you that are saying, yeah, what? Another podcast? What? What? That's not supporting you.
That's not community. That's not the people who you should be surrounding yourselves by.
Maria: I couldn't agree more. And I think setting up this podcast has been a real, like what you're saying, community, also being uncomfortable. I'm very lucky to always have very good people around me.
And I actually want to say thank you to Malta Camera Rental and Lito's Place, My dad and my sister for and my mom for the unwavering support and just cheering cheering you on. Because I think it's okay to say, okay. Listen. I'm gonna do this. But there are days when you're just like, no.
I don't think I can. Or why would someone listen to me? And, you know, those thoughts, they start to to come in. And then you've got someone that reminds you, like, listen. No.
You remember when you told me about this idea? That was the best version of yourself. So let's work your way back back to that, and they can help you. So I think with sports, that community is fantastic. Like, I know that you coach, the like, even on a Saturday morning, whether they're not people that you would consider your closest friends or maybe you see them a few times a week.
But just knowing that you've got that group, that you can be like, hey. Let's go for a swim Saturday morning. Or I see you at Neil's class on a Tuesday, and we'll have a coffee after. Like, I think it's really changed my life. It's changed a lot of the people that we swim with, and they're all awesome.
And I don't think I don't like to think of a time when there isn't that community because it's it's added so much value. I'm sure you see it as well with your swimmers and everything. It's super cool. Yeah. I've come to realize the last few years how important having a community is.
Neil: And then having a community of like minded people who are enjoying the same things you enjoy, it's amazing because it just brings you together to make you realize you're not alone in life. And you meet up, you giggle, you laugh, you push yourselves if it's through sport, or it doesn't have to even be through sport, It could be through a reading club, you know? You're bringing a community of people who enjoy reading together and sharing. The tribe. Yeah.
It could be completely anything, and and these become your your true friends because they are there supporting you through the the the difficult, the hard windows, when the your mind starts to take over. You mentioned the mind taking over. Let's be realistic. The mind is more there to take over than it's not. It's it's super, super fast and super, alert to you thinking you're going to not be good enough at something.
One little half a second of a thought, zoom. Yes. Straight away. It doesn't doesn't it's right there. It's always there waiting at the door, just behind with his ear against the door.
So if you have that thought, it's the door is open. Yeah. Boom. Wide open. I Then how do you close it?
Maria: Yes. That's why you're here. You're gonna tell us. But I think once I had read that there are more negative words in our vocab than positives because our brain has been primed to think, you know, like, if you go way back, okay, there's a lion coming. Boom.
What are we gonna do? Obviously, that's what our current situation. But we do naturally think a bit more negatively. And the ego wants that. That's what feeds it.
So it's it's interesting to think of it like that. Yeah. But, we think more negatively because we are given a picture of what we think is right on social media. Yeah. Of course.
Neil: Yep. So then obviously you're setting a bar high that isn't probably even realistic real. Yes. It might be real. Some people might be actually be posting their their real self online.
But how many of that? That gets drowned out by the unrealness. So then the bar is set up at a certain standard that we are expecting that you automatically expect that's how you need to be to be to fit in Mhmm. When it's bullshit. Yes.
Wow. Because he's special. And, I mean, you are special and the fact that you can do that, but if we had to scale that down, you swim 5 kilometers, 2 kilometers also where it is. And someone posts about it. That's fantastic.
But we don't really think about the progress to get there. We just want to to get to that last point. But it's like, do you wait for that motivation to come to start that? Do you wait to whatever challenge you have next? Or do you not wait for it and just every day, day in, day out, try and back yourself up and just everyday try just that 0.1%, 0.2%.
You need to try different things and wait until they come to you. And you'll know when that is your purpose, your craft, or the thing that excites you. Mhmm. Like, still after these 1,000 and thousands of kilometers, I'm swimming this morning, and the excitement that I have while I'm swimming—you feel like a kid? I feel like a kid.
Like, when I speak about it, like, the hair on my arms go up because it's become such a place of learning. It's my playground. Like, it's like high concentration level learning the craft in extreme detail of, now I understand that if I want to try and reach these targets of swimming a longer distance, then I need to create new ways. So there's no looking up online to see how a did it, how b did it, how c did it. Probably haven't No one's on it.
Because I need to find out my way because I'm the one suing the most. I'm the one doing all these kilometers. So I now know that I need to create the way that makes sense for me to do it, to be able to swim for 2 days, 3 days, 4 days. So how do you start that? Like, what is okay.
Maria: So let's say you decide, I'm gonna do my next great swim. But for anyone listening to this that is not gonna do a great swim, but they decide I'm gonna run a half marathon or I'm going to I want to walk x amount of steps a day or whatever their challenge is that makes sense to them. So I want to know how would you think about it on your grand scale? And then I also want to keep in mind, anyone listening to this, and how they can adopt that for in their everyday lives. Yeah.
Neil: Of course. So every swim that I do, so even the last swim when I was training to swim a 160 kilometers, how do I begin to train for something like that? Mhmm. I train twice a week for 30 minutes. Twice a week for 30 minutes.
That's it? That's it. Because once I go and I turn up and I do those 30 minutes, I completed it. I did a 100% complete check success. Your brain starts to make So you are releasing endorphins of success succeeding in your target of the day.
That's manageable. Manageable. So Okay. So then the next time, I'm 30 minutes. Boom.
30 minutes is manageable for me. You know? But then, obviously, you can scale it down to if someone wants to run 5 k, just give me a bit of a how long does a 5 k take to run? Like, half an hour? Exactly.
So, because I have no idea, I don't. True and true. I'm a sea creature, not a land mammal. Definitely not.
So what do you do? Maybe you park your car, slightly further away from your office. So you walk for 5 minutes to work and 5 minutes back to to your car. Okay. So first step is making it something that you can consistently Succeed in.
Succeed in. So that you have that goal, like, I did it. Yes. When you go to bed at night and say, today, I did 30 minutes, that's for me and me and myself only, kind of thing. And, I mean, when people ask me, like, you started training?
Yes. How much are you doing? I sound 30 minutes. What? And then They're expecting you to say I did 2 days, not stopped.
And I feel great because I did it. Uh-huh. And that gives you the motivation to wake up. Motivation. Okay.
Exactly. Because then once you build up the motivation, but then the motivation is not gonna last forever. You can't rely on motivation. Okay. And then discipline comes in.
Maria: Okay. So you start by scaling it down. And then what else what else would you do in lead up to these big moments that you know are coming?
Neil: And and then I start preparing, planning, and understanding what I need to do to be able to complete the swim. What possible outcomes, what possible situations can I get myself in for trying to attempt to swim that distance?
Okay. And when you say preparing yourself, obviously, there's a physical side of it. So I know you do Pilates and you do, obviously, lots of swimming. And but the maybe more spiritual or mental side, what does that look like? That's like I I have very funny ways of dealing with with certain things.
So it's, like, very, like, in my face, very abrupt with myself now. Like, if I'm So this is your toolkit, like, Neil's toolkit or setting up his mind to unlock that next level. So, like, I'm very harsh with myself. Mhmm. Let's be very realistic.
Like, you in ways, like, at least I will tell myself, listen. You got yourself into it. This suck it up and deal with it. While you're swimming, you'll be telling or even if you're While I'm swimming during the swim yeah. So during the swim, there's a lot of these.
And these are all things that are written down on papers to be told to me at certain moments by my team. Okay. Because if I'm not lucid enough to think of these things, they are going to tell me, and I'm the one studying this craft. So there's there's paragraphs and stuff that they tell me at certain moments that I know I need to hear, that I know that I've worked with, you know. And the when I'm meditating at home, I also meditate very repeatedly to the same music, very South American tradition music, very highly spiritual music, and it will be about the sun, about the moon, about the sea, about the ocean.
And when I'm in a dark place, then they would play the same music that I do and it will remind me about my meditation and slowly bring me back to a stronger place. I also like to sit in fear a lot, so sit down and bring up a lot of fear and a lot of emotions. And learn how to like, you know how we were mentioning before, that's one bad thought. Think about bad thoughts for hours. Okay.
And really get yourself really down. And then and then, okay, and then when the flip switches, okay, now get yourself out of it. Okay. And how do you do that? I mean, it's it's lots of lots of still the same thing, little wins, little little steps, understanding what I need to do.
So one thing that really helps is doing my breath work. Okay. And the breathwork that I would do to get myself out of this is different to the breathwork that I'm now curating to to help me with my swims. So breath work varies from very big wide spectrum as morning breath work, evening breath work, that kind of help you start your day, fill you up or help you end your day and help you reduce stress and anxiety as well. So there's a long spectrum of of breath work that I would use.
And so this is obviously for your sport and your swim. So if somebody listening to this and they are maybe very anxious about work or they're in, like, a new job, a new position, or they have some really big event or whatever coming up, would you like, what did you tell that person? Would you tell them to kind of sit with that fear, go through the worst case scenarios, and then actually see, like, it's all okay in the end? Or is that just I don't know. I mean I'm just curious to see how you would approach that.
No. Mine's a bit extreme. Don't forget. My my sport that I'm putting myself in is a extremely highly extreme sport. I'm in my Speedos in the middle of 2 oceans, in pitch black in the sea where that's at work as well.
So mine's a very extreme situation. But for someone who is preparing, I think, first of all, you need to work on your confidence. And how do you get your confidence? By studying and practicing your trade, by investing time in your trade. That starts by building the confidence.
Visualization, as we mentioned, but not only visualizing it going well, but visualizing what could go wrong and how am I going to react when that goes wrong. And then there's also cold water immersion. So, the cold water immersion, when you we understand how many benefits it has. Yes? So we understand Like, all over social media.
All over social media. But there's a different way of thinking about it as well. It's, going into the ice is what are your thoughts happening? Are you shrinking your eyes? Are you saying, I hate this.
I want to get out. And that is what you would normally do in a high pressure situation because when you go in the ice, your body is going into shock. It's telling you what are you doing. It's a very high pressure situation. So starting to teach people to go into cold water immersion and and learn how to meditate in cold water immersion.
So then when you're in your meeting and when you're standing up addressing the whole company, you have been in this high pressure situation. Your your mind knows how to react to it already. So it sort of has a, like, neural pathway to get you there. Exactly. So these are this is something that you I know it's something that you coach people through because I've been lucky enough to experience it.
Maria: So we're in Gozo, I think, last year, where, I saw it was really interesting because we're in Gozo, and we did the ice water bath with a group of people that are older in the sense that I know so new to them. I'm gonna mention my dad again, but I saw him kind of go into the water, and I think he did a really long time, maybe, like, 6 minutes. And, he completely, like, surrendered to it. And till today, he still mentions that that was such a memorable experience. And even if we're swimming or something, he always says, like, you know, I'll try the breathing that we did when we were in the ice water.
And it's really interesting because I was very much like, no, he's of that generation. He wouldn't be open to it. And I could see that it started to kind of change the way he was thinking. So that was super cool. So is this something that you would help people through coach, or is it something that you kind of do alone?
Because I know that now you can buy, like, an icebox online. Like, what's how would you go about that? Yeah. So what I'm doing now is, like, just going back to what your your dad situation, he basically there's something beautiful about putting yourself in this uncomfortable position and coming out a winner. There's something extremely powerful.
And again, scaling it down to do it. Exactly, scaling it down to do it. I remember he first got in and didn't like it and got out. And then we had a little bit of a chat, and he went in and he took charge of his own mind. Uh-huh.
Neil: And that's what's what's super important. But everything that I'm learning, I'm I'm lucky that I love I love it, putting myself out of that comfort out of my comfort zone. Like, I find the beauty in suffering. Okay. And more peace and more in suffering.
I think it's the best like, if you have to tell me, listen. There's this thing I want to sign up, a retreat in the dark, in the forest. We're gonna walk 10 kilometers, blindfolded. I'm like, sign me up. I'm in.
I'm in. Walking on ice. I'm in. I'm in. Like, you like, the more intense it is, the more I would like to try and experience it.
Maria: You probably feel like you're getting to, like, the periphery of yourself.
Neil: And doing all that gives me a wealth of experience and knowledge about controlling my mind and it's pointless me doing it unless I'm going to learn how to make this teachable for everyone. Okay. So this is where the sense of For me, it's not about wanting to break world records or wanting to That's a good byproduct. It's a byproduct for me to be able to receive this information because I have been given this gift to be able to do this, to receive this information, to make it teachable to everyone and accessible to everyone to help them through their own journey, through their everyday life.
Mhmm. And you know how we were saying, like, you have to take everything in small steps and not jump into doing a 5 k run first time you've never run. We do still do the same thing with our mentally, with our mental health. We have someone who is in depression or someone who is suffering big time from anxiety. And all you see online or all you could find is someone saying, we have to have the bulletproof mindset.
We have to have the mindset of a champion. This is what like, you're telling them to get to the end result. They can't see that. No. Because for them, it's just blocked.
What we need to tell them is to learn how to control these thoughts for now. Yes. Not become a champion at it. Yes. So so you can't, in one sentence, tell people, because we have to do things slowly to build up, and then in another in another when it comes to the mental side of things, step out of it.
If you believe you have a strong mindset, because they're down out, their vibration, their energy is down at the bottom. You need to slowly bring them up. And so I'm creating this concept that we said we won't talk much about it, but I'm going to try to explain a little bit about it. It's basically an 8 week program with tasks that I'll be giving them weekly tasks to help them learn how to control their mindset. Wow.
Maria: So first of all, I think that is fantastic. I just love hearing you speak about this stuff because I've seen it all unfold. And I think what's important to mention is it's the same with this 8 week course, which I will definitely be signing up for. It's it's a starting point. It's not going to be okay.
Neil: I'm gonna do this 8 weeks, and after these 8 weeks, I'm gonna be the best person ever. Like, this is a lifelong thing. And it's, it's I think the the beauty of this is that it's all about accountability. Because I could do this 8 weeks on my own, but the truth is that maybe something will come up where I won't feel like I'm tired. I had a bad day at work or whatever.
Maria: But knowing that at the end of the week, you're gonna be sending me an email or a video telling me, like, hey. So how are those general prompts? Or did you work through that meditation or whatever? Then I'm more likely to do it. So I think this is obviously where the power is and obviously your, like, wealth of experience and knowledge.
But going back to what you were saying about, kind of lifting up someone when they're in that low vibration. Slowly bring them to my side. You know? Yes. Just slowly bring them in.
Neil: Yeah. And to be able to do that, you need to go down to their level first. Mhmm. You can't be speaking to them from this high and mighty spot and telling them what you feel they need to hear. You need to go down to their level Mhmm.
And be able to speak to them on that level. But it's very difficult. Once you go down to that level, if you don't know how to get yourself back up when you leave that situation, then you can get dragged into it as well. So it's not something that everyone can do. Yes.
And this is when everyone says, I'm a mindset mentor or I'm a life coach and then this, it's everyone wants to become a life coach or everyone can do a course online to become a life coach, but there's a lot of detail and a lot of stuff that goes into bringing people out of that place. To take lightly. Yeah. So then going back to kind of that low vibration or, kind of those moods.
Maria: So I wanted to ask you if you had to describe, and I'll tell you why I'm gonna ask you this, your best day.
So you're in a great mood. You're doing all the things you want to do. And then contrast that to a day when everything is going wrong. Because we know those days are coming. And then how what do you do, and how do you talk to yourself to get yourself back into kind of that good headspace?
So start off with your best day, and I just want to know what that is because I'm just genuinely curious. And then when you're having a bad day, like, you wake up and you're just like, f this and I don't care. And what is the point? And everything is such a hassle, and the traffic, and the this, and the that. And so I'm curious to learn more.
Neil: So, to have the ultimate best day, I definitely am a firm believer that you have to have a good night's rest. So when you first open your eyes, you need to feel like you have rested enough because sleep, lack of sleep, can lower productivity, brain fog, and fatigue. Not that fatigue you're falling asleep, but you're a lot slower and a lot more lethargic. So a good night's sleep is definitely one thing that needs to be on there. Yep.
Get to work on time. Mhmm. Starting at 5:45 sometimes might not always happen. And then just, be ready while I'm coaching, I already plan my session and plan my my day ahead, and really get in and work hard in the pool and Mhmm. Release those endorphins.
And then the kind of day carries on from there. I go home, I do a meditation, I do my breath work, and I play play in inverted commas learning how to play an instrument as well, and then do a little bit of work, which is a lot of work of the real day job. Okay. And then just go up and and then look forward to spending the evening with Lara when I finish work. Okay.
So that's the best day? Yeah. I would say so. Okay. Sounds pretty cool to me.
And then I'll describe to you a worse day. A worst day. Because people always hear the good, which is great, but it's not reality either. No. No.
No. And, throughout this good day, there's many thoughts and many things, that push me back as well. This is a good day. There's no ultimate good day. There's for me, that is a good day.
I understanding there is the good and the bad within a good day. Okay. Yeah. If you want a good day without having one bad thought or one time or one thing that you said, f this. I don't feel like doing it anymore, then you're unrealistic of what is a good day.
Who's telling you that a good day has to be a 100% perfect as well? True. Very true. So a bad day, I opened my eyes at midnight because I my alarm rings at midnight for me to go for a 10 hour swim. My body No one here can relate?
My body completely not ready to wake up. So I'm within 30 seconds, I'm falling back asleep, but I have alarms set every minute, with a very irritable, noise to make sure. To Lara for the patience. Shout out to Lara for the patience. I love you.
Me too. I'm sorry. And once I'm done, I'm slowly waking up. The first thing is, like, I don't wanna go. Like, it's cold.
It's raining. So your brain is already taking over before you even have time to, like, lift up your eyes? So I'm lying in bed for 15 minutes having this conversation with myself, convincing myself that I shouldn't go. But then ultimately, it comes down to, you know, if I don't go, then how am I gonna have the confidence, not the ability, the confidence So coming back to confidence. To be standing on the ladder Mhmm.
About to start a swim that's gonna take me 3 days. If you can't even get out of bed and walk out of bed. Training, if I'm not gonna hit certain sessions, and I'm not gonna be able to do this, then how am I gonna have the confidence? And you can have the ability to do it, but you need the confidence to do it. Mhmm.
If you don't have the confidence, then you can have the ability for nothing. Okay. So then I'm like, okay. I get out, have a coffee, still don't really want to go. Grab my stuff.
I have to prepare all my food and things. Knowing that there's no one really holding you accountable? Because, ultimately, if I go back to bed No one's gonna know. No one's gonna know. Exactly.
The day will pass, and you will talk to the same Except. You know who will know? Yes, sir. Me. And I've done that.
I've done gone back to bed and not not done sessions. I've driven all the way to Maleha, put on my wetsuit, taken it off without even swimming, drove home and got in bed. Oh my god. I've even driven halfway back and then halfway back again. It's like it's it's super intense.
The the the preparation to prepare for something of such magnitude. Sees this. They just see Neil reaching at finish line like, Lalo is amazing. Exactly. But there's a lot of, dragging through the mud.
Yes. Questioning and even during the swim, questioning life decisions. Everything of what am I doing here? Why my whole life purpose splattered all over the bottom of the ocean. Mhmm.
I'm trying to piece it back together, you know, to carry on swimming. It's intense. It's intense, but I find the beauty in it as well. As in, obviously, I can't relate to that extent, but there have been many times where I've done something, like even setting up this podcast, Like, day before yesterday, I was like, what am I doing? Like, I'm just dragging everybody here.
It's a lot of work, putting yourself out there, knowing you're gonna be somewhat judged, and I don't know. It's it's but then now that I'm doing it and I'm here and I'm in real time and I'm these words are coming out of my mouth. I'm like, I'm glad I've done it. Even if it turns out to be the best thing or the worst thing ever, like, I've gone through the exercise, and I'll probably look back in a few months or years and be, like, how cool that I tried and I did that, like, no matter what. Yeah.
Maria: So I guess that's how I can somewhat relate. And you can't succeed if you don't try. It sounds cliche, but it's the the truth. Okay. So you a bad day.
So you're getting you're waking up at 12. You're going for a swim. You don't feel like you eventually get in the water. It's cold. You're, like, in Ghadira.
It's or wherever you have to swim that day, and it's pitch black. Yeah. And I'm just you're not getting out. You sought to tell yourself that. Yeah.
This is I have one option. You you chose to do this. No one put you here. You can't get out. Mhmm.
And if you do, you know you're gonna regret it because I will regret it as soon as I get out. I wouldn't have even taken off my wetsuit. I'd be extremely upset with myself, and saying, like, how can I not even keep a word to myself saying that if I was gonna do something, I do it? Yeah. So I can't keep it to myself.
I can't keep it to anyone. So it keeps on coming back to me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
It keeps on coming back to me. Okay. But the the struggle is real. And those those are really bad days. And those are the days that count.
Those are the days that make you succeed. Those are the days that make you fulfilled, and those are the days that make you a champion. Yeah. It's so true. By turning up on the days that you don't want to turn up, it's easy to go swimming when I feel like Yeah.
Exactly. It was easy this morning. I was like skipping down the pool. It's easy. Those don't count.
Those are just bonuses. The ones that count are the ones you don't feel like doing. Yep. So showing up for yourself just day after day. In everything.
In whatever it is that you you want to do. Mhmm. It counts when you don't feel like. Yes. It counts 2 ticks when you don't feel like.
And and it's also managing that not not feel liking as well. So you still do it. Maybe you don't need to push yourself so hard. Maybe I don't need to push myself so hard, but I need to get in and I need to do certain things. Yep.
Maria: I think, like, as you were saying all of this, I just keep on thinking kind of what we've been saying about the confidence because I had never really thought of it like that, and that's what it's all about. Whether you're at work and you're about to give a presentation and you haven't prepared for it or you haven't had the reps or whatever, you go in fumbling, you're eating your words, but knowing, listen, I've done really good work, I've got really good results. Like, I'm shy or I'm scared, but I've got that confidence. Or if you walk into a room And you have the right to have that confidence. You have the right to have that confidence.
Neil: So if not, who who do you who are you? Who do you think you are to have the right to not prepare for something and go and stand on that ladder? I would say, obviously, my my example, but for you to sit here, who do you think you are if you didn't prepare for it? Mhmm. Super entitled and super unaware of your surroundings.
Yeah. So how do you build up that confidence to because like, even me, coming here doing this, like, I had to kind of build myself up and put in the time and the effort, the education. And it's self education. It's not like I'm you know? But how do you build up that that confidence slowly slowly?
By by focusing on the wins and focusing on the process and not just looking at the end result and understanding how much you're learning through it and how much you're getting into it and how much you want to learn more from it, you know? Because after today, today is your first day, your first episode, you're gonna be like, Lalo, that was super fun. I know exactly what I need to do next time. I know exactly what I want to do, and I know exactly how I'm gonna get this information to be able to do it. And that's learning your craft and investing time in yourself.
That is another one, another super important tool. Yeah. Investing in yourself as in time wise and Time wise in in a hobby, in a craft, in in something, whatever it is, in a childhood dream that you had, that you always wanted to to do something. Mhmm. And if someone says, I don't have time.
I just don't have time. I understand you don't have time, but you but, when we become busy, when we get busy and when we get more invested in work, what do we do? We stop doing the things we love, we stop doing the things that keep us sane, we stop doing the things that make us happy, Mhmm. And then we're in a rut because we're in a rut because we are unhappy, depressed, all I do is work, and I'm sure it's to work. And I understand, but work will always be there.
Always. No matter how many emails I answer, there are always gonna be more emails. When I I even had this whole process of answering answering emails. It's like, if I don't answer them, they won't answer me. So if I answer them, they're gonna answer me anyway.
So they're like, should I answer them, or should I not answer them? But you know what I mean? They can they can wait. We've we've we've come into a world where everything is instant. I want food, my phone, boom, order, things comes down to my go instant.
Someone sends you a message, they expect an instant reply. So everything is instant. We want now now now. We want, a big following. We want, to get a job.
I want a promotion straight away. Everything wants now, now, now, now. And this is the world we're living in, and it's it's making us spiral into oblivion of of unrealistic expectation? I really understand that. I think the first thing is that we are not compassionate with ourselves.
Maria: We're not patient enough with ourselves. Like, everything is going to happen the way it was always going to happen, but things just take time and like, you have to be patient with yourself. Because I see someone that's doing x, y, z again because of social media or because we're more connected or whatever. Then I start to say, okay. Then I need to be there too, but I have my own timeline.
Exactly. Why do you need to be like them? Yeah. Because we're constantly reminded of it, and we're always seeing Exactly. But this is the the problem with social media.
Neil: Yes. So, okay. So, going back to kind of building up that confidence, time for yourself, not being busy, maybe not having enough time, but starting off with small things and whatever. What would you say is the easiest way besides kind of having those small wins? Maybe just start by journaling or like a meditation?
So for me, it's all everything revolves around self development. Mhmm. And self development can be by writing, journaling. Self development can be by the way you eat. These are all this is already you're already working on self development and you choose these ones that first are the healthy ones.
So spend time in nature. That's another form of self development. Mhmm. By just since literally just walking in a space where you can't see a car for for 20 minutes. Mhmm.
That's that that already opens up to prepare you for your next step of, of this journey. So then you can work more on your other mindset and other more difficult tasks that you need to do. But first, get the basis right. So you are releasing the endorphins, spending time in nature. Eating healthier, you're going to be more full of energy.
Mhmm. And then you can start doing some exercise and then you're already boom, boom, boom. That's already 3, and that's already going to you're pulling the catapult back for when you release it to just shoot yourself up. Yeah. Okay.
It's, like, easy to understand and easy to understand, and implementing it is where the real goal is. Definitely, definitely. And that's why we're creating these structures, the structure for it to be easy all the way. Yes. To have a shoulder to lean on, to discuss with someone who has been there, done that and Now knows.
Now knows. I never know. I'm always On the way. To know. Yeah.
Maria: Yes. Okay. So that brings us to, kind of what's next for you. Like, what is so I can maybe say another big expedition or work wise, or what can we expect next from Nila Juice and your team, etcetera? As in, you know, it's just too much.
Neil: My Rolodex. Exactly. So many, many different, many different things, many exciting projects that we have. Let's put it this way, I don't know when, but I will definitely swim again. Okay.
Because how did you know? Because if I don't swim, imagine in 20 years' time, I still have on my mind something I can do, but never actually did it. That will eat away at you? That will eat away at me. Laura and I are opening up a new space.
It's called Kaizen Hub, which is gonna be a community space. That's where I was talking about how important it is to be in community. And so we're gonna be bringing like minded people, different practices, minds lots of mindset stuff, lots of fun stuff, just hanging out, sharing food. And I think Malta really needs a space like that. And I'm so honestly, so excited.
I can see from my face. But even just to know that there is a space where I don't need to explain the way I'm thinking or what I'm feeling or whatever, I can just walk in, and everyone's just gonna accept any mood I'm in, any mindset, and just be like, hey. Let's talk about it or not talk about it or whatever. That's really cool. Yeah.
And, also taking the lessons that I've learned from the preparing preparing for the last swim to take action into the next swim. So, like, the guinea pigs have just decided, like, while we have this whole conversation of my course that I want to be giving or this mindset journey, is gonna be my team that will be with me for my next journey. Okay. That's I think they they will understand where I'm at more and, like that we will work more together as a team and more as a community. Even though we worked really well together already, that can just level up and put my structures around me to be able to go higher and higher.
Maria: Yeah. So you're a dream team. Yeah. So okay. So we've got some more swims hopefully coming up.
Neil: We've got Kaizen. We've hopefully got some mindful, mindset course, which you'll let us know more about Yeah. In the future. Lots of cold water immersion. Lots of cold water immersion.
Water immersion. Definitely. I really believe that. Courses and stuff like that. Okay.
Maria: And you've also got Ocean Festival. Right? Because I'm guessing that's a lot one of the last few things we're gonna mention today. What is Ocean Festival, and how can people be more involved in that? Yeah.
Neil: So Ocean Festival is, again, community based, where we challenge ourselves to open water swimming events. I mean, water has the most amazing spots. So we really find trying to find unique spots which doesn't they don't usually have the opportunity to swim in. And after each each event, then we have a gathering with some food, music, and just really share the experience. And we get to meet more people who are within this sport.
So who are which is a very big, growing sport as well. Do you have to be a very, very good sumer to participate? No. You don't have to be a good sumer. There's different levels of different events.
So there's, an event that's also 2 kilometers as well. And, hopefully, in the future, we'll have ocean kids as well. Awesome. It's so cool. Okay.
So I feel like we're drawing to an end. And there are just a few closing questions that I want to start as, like, a tradition for this podcast. Just very basic question. Where can people go to learn more about you? We're currently redeveloping my website and stuff.
So, once that's ready, but you can find me on Instagram, nila juice. Okay. Cool. Very random question, but something I actually ask quite a few people. What's one of your favorite meals of all time?
Like, if you were on death row tomorrow, what would be your your meal of choice? So can I elaborate a little bit on this? We have time? Let's ask our our crew. Do we have time?
We have a bit of time. Not too much.
Neil: So food is one of my biggest struggles in life. All I want to do is eat all the time. Everyone watching this is really like, me too.
And never enough is enough. So, I kind of made myself again this harsh decision with myself of who do I think I am to feel like I deserve to have the best meal of my life every single day in the evening. So you think this throughout your day? Yes. Like because before, I felt like I deserved to have the best meal every day, the with the most richest food, with the most unhealthy stuff because I worked hard today, so that's I deserve it.
And I'm like, oh, do I came and I was and I decided that I'm gonna stop eating a lot of food and all the time and unhealthily. So when you're putting now to me the question, what's my favorite meal, I don't have one. Okay. Because you've you've taken off that point and thinking about Yes. Yes.
Okay. That's actually a really good way of thinking about it. Because if you're thinking about what you're gonna eat next, you're just always hungry, it's never satiating enough. Okay. So I like that.
I wasn't expecting that honestly. I like it. Yeah. I don't. I I mean, I haven't eaten anything today.
I've trained for an hour of hard work and worked as well, and I'm fine. So it's not something it's not a priority in my life, so I don't know. Okay. I like that nonsense. Okay.
The only answer on this whole series is it's gonna be like that. I don't know.
Maria: Okay. Last few questions. What's one thing right now, just one, because I know there are gonna be many, that you're deeply grateful for?
Neil: Being able to do what I do. Okay. It's like a real sense of gratitude for Yes. Having the luxury to be able to to swim every day and to be able to walk to work and have friends and be in this community and have Lara, this is what I'm grateful for.
Maria: Okay. Is there anything you want to close off with that maybe I didn't ask you or we didn't get around to talking about? I think we've done pretty well. Yeah.
Neil: That was a lot of fun. Thank you. Yes. Thank you so much for coming.
Maria: So thank you for being my very, very first guest. You look a lot more relaxed. Yes. I feel I feel at ease now. I could do this all day.
Maria: Thank you to Malta, Camera, Rental for all of your patience and hard work. Toledo's Place for this amazing studio. It's so so beautiful in here. To my dad, Robert Camilleri, for just constant support and all the help. My sister, Emma, and, yeah, just thanks, and I hope you're here for the next one, everyone listening, and I think that's it.
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